!#8# How to Be More Outgoing for the Naturally Shy Introverts in the World

!±8± How to Be More Outgoing for the Naturally Shy Introverts in the World

Let's face it, it seems like people who are more outgoing have a lot more fun in life. They meet lots of interesting people, get invited to all the parties, don't have a problem getting dates, and overall just seem happier.

What to do if you're not outgoing? How can I become more outgoing and have more fun?

I was shy like many people. I grew up in the country, and went to school in the city. It wasn't easy meeting people. I was more excited to get back home and stick my nose in a book for the night. I wasn't naturally outgoing I was very shy.

But, then something clicked. I just slowly started coming out of my shell. I started interacting with other people. I found my inner flirt. Twenty years later, I still feel like an introverted, shy person, but most other people would call me very outgoing. I actually got excited while giving a speech in front of 250 people. In fact, just last week my ten year old asked me, "How do you always make friends wherever you go, I never can meet people."

One of the first things you can do is develop eye contact. For many people, it's intimidating to look people in they eye. As soon as someone catches your eye, do you find yourself quickly looking away? Why not make a challenge to yourself, the next person you meet, I'm going to look at them straight in the eye, smile and count to three before I look away. You might have to try this a few times, but eventually you'll get the hang of it. Trust me it's worth it. Do this for a week, make a conscious effort to do it. (A hint if you're REALLY shy, don't try to do it to someone you find naturally attractive, instead do it with someone that you're not attracted to at all, it just seems less intimidating. I think it would be a blow to anyone's self esteem if they just couldn't hold eye contact with Angelina Jolie for three seconds.)

After you feel comfortable looking people in the eye, now it's time to say something. Just a simple "Hello", "Hi", "How's it going?" What you'll find is that people are starved for interaction as well. Often just a simple Hello can start a train reaction, and the next thing you know, you're twenty minutes into a deep conversation.

When you meet people for the first time, the golden rule is get their name. And if at all possible use it right away. It's pretty simple really. "Hi, I'm Marc, what's your name? Phil? Nice to meet you Phil." I usually lean forward, or have an inquisitive look as if I'm trying to confirm that their name really is Phil. Of course I'm kind of hard of hearing, so I really do have to ask at least twice. As Emeril would say, "Bam!" you've now used their name twice in ten seconds. You look like a genius in their eyes.

Now if you really want to get good at being outgoing, you have to get good at trivial conversations. The best thing I can tell you is 3-1. Not 31. But three parts them, one part you. If you engage them in conversation, and let them talk about themselves three times more than you talk about yourself, you're doing great. Check out Dale Carnegie's classic Book, "How to win friends and influence people". In 30 years, there hasn't been a better book written on the subject.

All in all, to become more outgoing, it just takes practice. I have a ten year old who is more like I was, very shy and introverted, and a four year old who meets everyone in the restaurant in about ten minutes flat, so I've seen both sides. If you're not naturally outgoing, it doesn't mean you can't become more outgoing and defeat your shyness. It just takes some practice, but trust me the practice is fun. You'll be glad you did it in no time.